Dose: Plays & Monologues


Published in 2007, Dose: Plays & Monologues is the first full-length collection of Dan Bernitt’s dramatic works.

In the one-act play Almost: Mark and Paul have a beer to catch up on life since the college dorm. When Mark asks for a hug as they say goodbye, the reticent Paul sharply refuses. How did they two young men arrive at a point where they can’t even touch? At once comic and devastating, Almost quietly dissects a prejudice that does not say its name.

With a voice often likened to David Sedaris, the volume also features the texts to Bernitt’s critically-acclaimed solo performances, including the tragicomic self-portrait Thanks for the Scabies, Jerkface! and the monologues “Button-Down Showgirl” and “My Parents Talk to Stuffed Animals.”

Phi Alpha Gamma


Two years after a gay-bashing, how will the fraternity react when a brother comes out of the closet?

Using the structure of a Greek tragedy, Phi Alpha Gamma weaves together the voices of four fraternity brothers as they grapple with the remnants of a hate crime and their anxiety and fears. This haunting portrait of panic focuses a compassionate eye on the complicated threads of brotherhood embedded in Americana.

Yelling at Bananas in Whole Foods

Organic. All-natural. Raw. Hormone-free. Vegan. Paleo. Locavore… MAKE THIS INSANITY STOP! Beginning in Taos, New Mexico, and ending in New York City, Yelling at Bananas in Whole Foods follows Dan Bernitt as he embarks on an epic journey to change his relationship with the food he eats. A chance meeting with a 1990s infomercial health guru sets him on his mission, but as he ventures into the rabbit hole of the future of food, the effects of food, and on and on, will his newfound passion turn into a militant obsession that isolates him from humankind?

In addition to Bernitt’s critically acclaimed monologue, this collection includes audience favorites “Ghoti” and “This Is Stonewall” to form a trio of stories about learning to take action after information overload.